Traitor.

www.nedusayshi.tumblr.com ;)

Abandonment

The first day of May...
Wow.


Four months have surpassed already
Moving closer to middle of the year.
Moving closer to change.


Many students have exams on their mind
Coursework to perfect
University and Student finance demands to sort out
and somewhere in the distance...


the freedom that summer will bring.


So.
For now.
the words on this page will be mere reminders of my past.
Because for now. This blog will suffer


Abandonment.

Words of Encouragement

Without going into too much detail
(My Mum reads this.. lol)
I've just walked out of a pretty shady time in my life.

I wasn't entirely being myself, because I thought
By pretending to be someone else, the person I was trying to impress
would like me better.

Pretty lame huh?

And so I found myself lying to this person
Day in day out, never truly showing who I was..

Sometimes it's fun to be someone else
Especially for us writers, getting into the mind of another
character, aodpting a different persona..
But this is no creative writing task.

This is my life.

When you lie about something
You miss out information, get a date wrong
A time wrong, an age wrong....
Things start to become uncoheret and people
start clocking...

You can either lie some more
Or unravel everything, right from the
beginning. Ultimately leaving you with nothing.

And thats what I did.
Because the dots just weren't joining up.

And now I have nothing...
more to do with this person.
With a big phat smile on my face.

I realised so much in this time
When I was unravelling and exposing
everything I had said. Showing them
exactly who I was.

Guess what... they just couldn't handle it.
And that made me realise.
It was never meant to be.

This post is to those who feel they aren't good enough..
Or they have to enhance their lifestyle a bit..
Follow a little bit of what everyone else is doing
Just to get by.

To the girls that never thought they were pretty enough,
Or the guys that think they aren't hench enough..
You will naturally attract love, just by being you.

It's a learning curve you know.
I understand things about me that I
didn't know before. And have highlighted
the mistakes I never want to make again.

Just remember you are special,
never substitute your divineness for anyone :)

I'm in love.

So I've hated dresses forever.

And I'm not over exaggerating

"Dresses are discusting contraptions"

Yes, I did say that. Not once, not twice

but many many many times.

I refused to go to parties where you have to "dress up"

Where the memo for the girls is Heels and Dress

I prefered to switch it to Jeans and Creps

Two proms were missed because I refused

to step into a body hugging, boob showing

leg exposing - Dress.

And now at 18 years old

With the influence of fashion all around me

I have fallen for the ultimate one.

Versace's - Pre fall 2009

sad to say I will never fit into it

and I sure as jelly beans can't afford it.

But I can't help it.

I'm in love.

SHOUT OUT TO ADORE DAILY FOR BRINGING THIS TO MY ATTENTION

http://jessieadore.com/blog/

So.

Eighteen years old.
Not fussy, except with food.
The distant relatives, second aunties, unknown Uncle
and twice removed cousins have failed me - On Christmas.

Presents that were normally overflowing out of the Christmas bag
stored in my Mum's wardrobe ready to be taken out December 23rd.
Are now knowhere to be seen.

And so.
I've given myself a twitter for Christmas.
https://twitter.com/NeduSaysHi

Silver Lining.

Sunday afternoon - shopping for my duffle coat
"Hurry up!" Laura says to me, i was meant to meet them at the station an hour ago.
Brighton. How exciting.
No really.

I must be honest.
Four hours in Oxford Street searching for a coat i would never find
I was quite tired. Lugging two heavy bags, and a "29" season sleeping bag
onto three buses and then getting on a train - wasn't looking so enticing.
I even threatened not to come if i didn't find my duffle coat!
But something, im not exactly sure what,pushed me to go.
Maybe it's written...

Sixteen calls, two missed buses and one very scary skid on ice later
I got myself to Clap(Ham) Junction - Platform 13.
Laura, Richard and Akiem were waiting there for me, in the cold.
And all i could say was "Im wearing heat tech! :D" with my hat, two scarves and mittens on. Hello, Brighton is going to be cold!

And it was. Oh boy it was.
Arriving in the station, we spot a sign
"Welcome to Brighton", Polite..
and the wedges of snow, sitting happily waitin to greet us -
Inside the station. Richard was baffled. And so was i..

Burgess Hill though, was our actual destination
And after an unlawful purchased child ticket, we borded a train
going in the opposite direction. Though i almost wish we hadn't 
The station - Burgess Hill. Stank.
And it wasn't my top lip mate.

Welcomed with open arms and mouth - William Hatton met us at the station
With high importance focused on the purchasing of our own Alcohol.
Me? No, i don't drink. Only water. And sprite... and Green Tea.
He kissed me for that. So proud, so proud.

His house.
Compared to mine, is an amazing three storey building on a very icy road in Brighton.
Oh wait, it is. I wasn't expecting anything flashy, i mean this is Will we're talking about..
Beautiful home. Comfertably furnished, with mood music in the Kitchen.
Will's house was the shizznit.

I slept in a moderately sized bedroom,
with a certain someone - head to toe guys, head to toe :P
Didn't get much sleep though. A'hem duvet hogger.
Not naming any names...

We were fed.
Rice, "curry", Spicy potatoes and a selection of sides.

We were entertained.
Slumdog Millionaire in the cinema room. Yes, cinema room.

We socialised.
No spin the bottle. An effectively boring XBox game. Two sips of Alcohol
Yucky.. very very yucky. Don't drink kids. Please.

And at 2:00am in the morning we called it a night. Day.. ?
Escorted to my room for the night
"Erm. I know you wouldn't normally. But please don't do anything in the bed"
It's alright Will... I didn't even get any sleep in that bed.

3:00am - I'm cold.
3:24 - I'm still cold.
4:03 - He's moving!
4:05 - I've got less cover than i did before
5:30 - He touched my leg! Text Laura and Becca..
6:00 - walk to the bathroom for no reason, again
7:45 - starting to fall asleep - my bed sharer wakes up. TMK.

The question of the day
"How did you sleep?"
Hovering over my porridge, humming along to the silence in my head
I started to slowly ignore the question. Besides there was nothing to say.

And by 11:00 - I had bathed :D
Bags were packed. And home journey's were being thought out.
Gareth lives in Croydon, Twas the car home for me.... and Akiem.
Plenty of hugs, I'll miss yous,i love yous (mainly coming from my mouth :P)
It was time to go... Quick photo and we were off
speeding down the road.
How ever fast you speed on an already slippery road...

I wasn't the only one dreading this reunion.
I had the feeling it would be awkward - okay so it was
But i actually enjoyed myself.

Guess there was a silver lining to this cloud.

What a night

My mum was right - The Mulberry Bush
Is a pub
And when we left, heads banging
voices screaching (Well, not mine)
all i can remember is........
"INDIIAAAAA"
"COSTA RICAAA"
I really wanted to say
"Shut up.. your all crazy"
But just muttered a humble
"The World.."
Loud enough for only Phia to hear.

I complained all night about missing X Factor
But tonight really taught me a lot of things..

- Cover you hair when its raining
- Sometimes its takes a while to realise something, for what it is
- Don't get drunk

I had fun.
I was smiling on the inside.

But for now..
this afro is tired.

Night